Beyond exhausted heartsick yet oddly energized from the events of the last few weeks I sit down to type this out.
I left behind a two year relationship when I relocated last year. It was solid, beautiful and the most in love I have ever been. Yet it was my decision to leave it behind. It was my choice to abandon real safety and security for the unknown. I am not going to say I regret it because it has highlighted other strengths in my life I’d not have found but there are days when I can feel the hole start to open up in my chest just a tiny bit more. Days when I start to feel the absence that little bit more keenly.
We met a few times over the last couple of weeks. It was then I realized that whatever we had was practically unsalvageable. Over dinner neither of us would recognize the white elephant of the last two years. We left so many loose ends that I attempted to tie up with getting drunk and shedding a few tears alone and trying not to press send on that “why the fuck can’t we work things out” text message.
So.. I guess my heart will be missing in action for a while. When I recover it it who’ll be the most guarded and treasured possession I have.