Life has exploded…
writing a new show.
I am only now just feeling like I am settling into my life… leaving behind the old feelings, the ways of thinking and being in the world. I don’t know what has clicked, but stuff’s started to make sense for me for the first time in a very long time. I am still dealing with a lot of shit, but it doesn’t take as much precedence in my life as it has before. It still lingers, in the corners of my mind, but definitely is not taking up as much space as it did.
When I was a kid I wondered what life as a normal human being would feel like. I wondered what it would be like to wake up in the morning and not feel so much of an outsider, someone so completely on the margins. I have to say, I don’t know exactly what that feels like yet, but I’ve met some pretty interesting people on the fringes of life. The one sticking point I had with my dad was he always called me a “fringe dweller” someone who’d never completely “assimilate”.. in my adulthood i’ve realized that reality is so completely subjective… how I view the world is not how my parents view it, or some of the people I’ve met. But that is completely ok, and valuable. I have learned that when i have the greatest peace is when I have stopped worrying about what other people think and started accepting that how I am is not how others are, and that is totally fine. I have a group of people in my life now that I could never have hoped to meet five years ago. For that I am truly grateful.
Before I end this long rant… I do want to thank the people in my life who continue to stick by me… who every day are there to listen understand and accept me because i realize i create a great deal of mess..it’s not always easy to have to clean it up. But I do create a great deal of warmth laughter and excitement too. I do try and bring hope and just some bloody fun! to the people I meet. Please continue to love me as this journey progresses.. because it’s probably not even half as much as I love each and every one of you.