Or.. That akward moment when you tell your family and friends you’re about to physically become a bloke…
so.. um.. what do I call you now?
oh.. but you’re still you.. right?
wow… when did you make that decision? (about 27 years ago, i was a zygote, really. )
what bathroom do you use?
how do you.. i mean, what about the sex thing. (all the time, REALLY!)
what will this mean for your future relationships? (nothing, i just hope i’m a bit better looking 🙂 )
you’re beautiful, why would you want to do that to your body?
The conversation i’d like to have would be as follows.
wow, i am so glad you told me.
I’ll support you in any way I can.
I understand this is a difficult and frustrating time but if there’s anything I can do let me know.
I am really proud of you for living the way you want to live and need to live.
You’re still my friend/child/lover/whatever
There are lots of things I don’t know about this topic, but I’ll try and find out as much as possible.
I have been met with both of those reactions. When I tell you, I am telling you because I value you as a part of my life and want you to come with me on this journey. I am not looking for attention or sympathy. Don’t be afraid to ask me questions, if there’s anything you don’t know or understand. I value your desire to help me, and asking what you might think is a “dumb” question is far better than actually remaining ignorant and assuming things. Many transpeople I have met have commented on the reactions of their loved ones. Some are met with fear ignorance shame and rejection… Lucky for me I have not.. People have been largely supportive of my choices, even if not completely understanding where I am coming from.. As I become more physically obvious I hope it gets easier for people, as we become so reliant on physical markers to form ideas.
Right now I am stuck between telling certain people and having them look at me strangely.. I am pre-op, and extremely feminine, despite often wearing a binder. The conversation I really want to have with you when you stare at me so, is ask why you find it so confronting that someone who’s male can look female. It is completely fucked that we’ve forced ourselves to think of gender in two very binary streams. It never occurred to me that I could be anything other than exactly what I am… I hid it for so long because I believed that I could conform to the way I was told I should be. But i’m not that person, I just am not. One of the things I’ve noticed, is that since I have come out, my confidence levels have sky rocketed. I can do a great deal more now, have become more opinionated, (if anyone thought it was possible) more loving and outgoing, less inhibited because I am not always having to hide myself. I feel naked and reborn, as cliched as it sounds.
So I’ll continue to post these blogs, in the hope that whoever they reach might get a tiny bit of an insight into what it’s like for me and others. This stuff, it matters. A great deal.